The Black Informant

I grew up during a time of great transition in the country. One of those “transitions” was how children addressed adults. I will always remember as a child being told by an adult to call them either “Mr.”, “Mrs.”, or “Miss.” . Then I will say somewhere in the late seventies to early eighties, the adults that I knew began to tell me to call them by their first name. Because of my upbringing, I was always taught to address an adult by one of the titles mentioned above, so this was a hard “habit” to break.

There were those times when I would “slip” into my upbringing by using one of these courtesy titles. For many adults, the reaction was as if I had just cussed them out. This was usually followed by a soft rebuke pleading with me not to address them like that because it makes them feel old. So as a result, today we have 8 year olds addressing 30-somethings as Pete, Tonya, etc.

Now this may seem like nothing to you, but what has resulted from this trend is a generation of young people who see adults as nothing more than grown-up children. I believe something as seemingly insignificant as this could make the difference in lives of children who are in a desperate need of some form of authority in their lives. I believe that the message that we have conveyed to our young people is that the word “authority” is a dirty word that is synonymous with “evil dictator”.

Two things happen when a child uses a courtesy name when addressing an adult. The first thing I have already covered (brings a visual example of authority in the life of a child). The second point is just as important: It provokes adults to carry themselves as adults. We live in an age where “grown folks” want to enjoy the privileges of adulthood without accepting its responsibilities. When an adult hears their name being preceded by a courtesy title, there is something in them that loudly reminds them of these responsibilities. It reminds us that we have to live our lives in a way that would make it easy for the child to associate the title with the adult. In other words, it would be very difficult for a child to address a 40 year old man as “Mister” if this man carries himself as a teenager (and we have plenty examples of that). Unfortunately, many of us interpret this loud reminder as just a sign that we are getting old. Guess what? You are! But that is only part of the message.

In our minds we think that courtesy titles are only reserved for people who are just old and gray. This is a misconception that is far from the truth. In days long ago in some cultures, it was very common to address kids as young as five by one of these titles. The reason? It instilled in the child an expectancy to grow into maturity and not just stagnate in youthful immaturity.

Today, Hip hop culture (which is made up of all races) has replaced these courtesy titles with names like “Dee Jay”, and “MC”. If you are a person who would fall into the category of a true “Mr.” or “Miss”, there is no room for you in this culture. By eliminating this type of vernacular from our vocabulary, what we have done is place everybody (regardless of age) on the same level of respect. True adulthood is out while “being cool” is in. This is why it is so commonplace these days to see that 40-something man or woman carrying themselves as a teenager. Hip hop culture is not to blame–our neglect to value true adulthood is.