Men: The minority in the church
One of the wonderful readers of this site just recently sent me this article and wanted to hear my take on the issue. I actually addressed this issue a while ago, there is another aspect of this issue that I wanted to address: the role of the pastor. Here are some excerpts of the article that was sent to me:
Men lead most Christian churches, but observers agree it’s the women who dominate the flocks. Though theories about the church gender gap have longed blamed men for their spiritual apathy, a new book finds another force driving men away from church: the church itself.
“The church is like a white cake with chocolate frosting,” said David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nelson Books, $13.99). “If you look at the icing, it’s male dominated. But if you plunge below, it’s feminine all the way.”
With its easy listening music, pastel-hued decor and an emphasis on comfort and nurturing, Murrow said modern church culture fails men craving a challenge.
“Right now churches are very focused on comforting people,” he said. “Many times we’re going to comfort them out the door.”
…For one, he said a man’s project-oriented, outdoorsy nature is not conducive to passively sitting through a worship service or volunteering to lead a children’s ministry.” (more…)
Typically, men are drawn to strong leadership. Unfortunately, most pastors are not strong leaders. In fact, I would go even further to say that many pastors are not even leaders–in a traditional sense.
For starters, many pastors are not licensed to provide provide professional counseling, but yet many of us still seek their counsel on issues (marriage, finances, raising kids, etc.) that should be handled by a professional in that field. I cannot tell you the amount of stories of people I personally know who were given bad advice by well-intentioned pastors who felt that the Bible was all that was needed to give advice.
Anybody that has taken the time to study the history of various indigenous tribes will find that when a leader was chosen, in addition to performing certain duties, in many cases the individual had to prove their worthiness by performing such feats as hunting and killing a dangerous animal, engaging in some type of hand to hand combat with another tribesman, or win a certain amount of battles for the tribe. By completing all of the required tasks, a candidate for leadership never had to worry about loosing members of his tribe due to his incompetence because he had already earned their respect as a competent leader prior receiving the title.
To become a pastor these days, for the most part all a person has to do is to graduate from seminary(where a person learns how to explain the Bible as well as how to work a crowd), enroll in programs that will allow he/she to try out what they have learned in school (teaching, preaching, how to manage a church staff, etc.), have the ability to keep the attention of parishioners during sermons, and finally find people that will follow them on their quest to fulfill God’s call on their lives. Although getting a degree can be hard work, that accomplishment by itself is not enough to earn the respect of men who are in search for strong leadership.
Although we cannot expect our pastors to be warriors in the traditional sense, parishioners should still insist that prospective church leaders provide proof of “warrior-like” characteristics. Here are some examples:
#How many kids were you able to help get off of drugs?
#How many families were you able to get out of poverty?
#In what tangible ways have you helped the elderly in your community?
#What community initiatives have you started that yielded measurable results?
#Have you helped homeless in your community to find work and shelter?
#What is the condition of your marriage (also ask the wife for her input)?
#How do you demonstrate to your wife that you love her?
#How much time do you spend with your kids? (also ask the kids for their input)?
(note: These should be actual accomplishments, not sermon titles)
How can a pastor preach on these things if he/she have never performed these actions?
These are just a few of the very pointed questions/expectancies I would have for someone considering becoming a pastor. Today, just knowing how to preach da’ word has become the main litmus test for someone desiring to become a pastor.
Men want to follow someone who knows how to blaze a trail on their own without having the entourages and unnecessary bodyguards in tow (what is the deal with pastors needing bodyguards anyway?).
Most men are not going to spend 2+ hours getting preached to, singing, and giving money to something that is not tangible to them. To them, it is a waste of time.
But if you ask a group of men to help run away drug dealers from a community, help a single mom purchase a heater for her house, build a house for an elderly person, etc. , most men will see the connection between what the Bible teaches and the real world and most importantly see their role between the two.
Anybody can have Rev. in front of their name, but it takes a man to lead men by example–with or without the title.
In these days, it’s probably better without the title.
I can personally attest to the need of being challenged within the worship environment. Although I accepted Christ in 1991, at the age of 21, I spent too many years as a babe in Christ. In 1999, I had a man challenge me to not only be “saved”, but be also a Godly man. Meaning, be accountable to other Chriatian males, seek to assume leadership responsibilities such as the spiritual head of the household and serving within the Body of Christ. While some would have gotten offended at getting read for being luke-warm, I loved it and embraced it. It was a rebuke that I feel changed my life for the better.
Comment by Chris Gill | August 22, 2005
Unfortunately, the whole cult of personality that affects black parishoners differently than other races, rubs some men the wrong way. Some pastors present themselves as the Alpha male, and the center of all love and adoration within the congregation. It ends up being a competition between the pastor and his crew, and the other men within the flock. Some of whom have a little more backbone and sense of independent thinking than the pastor cares for. And I hate to generalize, but I have heard too many stories of pastors who are flirtatious with the women, but are protected by the congregation, while the women in question are vilified. There are some pastors that take on the whole “hip-hop personality” of huge cliques, flashy clothes, and a sense of exclusiveness (Won’t let anyone touch them, lest their anointing be compromised).
Comment by Chris Gill | August 22, 2005
Some pastors present themselves as the Alpha male, and the center of all love and adoration within the congregation.
Very, very good point! I could not have said it any better.
Comment by Duane | August 22, 2005
What is the deeper message the church is sending? The paster,or alpha male, has some special relationship with God? and the male congregants should be out sweeping the parking lot. This is so wrong. I know so many sisters praying for God to find them a man, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be in the church(unless it’s the minister) My other concern is the power, women have in the church,because of their numbers. I wonder how many men,if truth be told, don’t want to contend with women (at home , let alone church) who run everything. I recognize this is not a popular opinion. But what is a man? who has power? Are we saying only the “Pastor” of the flock is a “real man”. Didactic leadership doesn’t work for me. I can think of few people who want to be “lectured to” or “told what to do”. I think church should be a place where all are treated as equals with equal respect. I want to see a day when people can “talk back” , “ask questions” and give their input at the service. Revolutionary. I don’t think so. Perhaps we should look at quaker services. Don’t laugh. They all have an opportunity to speak (when they have something to say) Sometimes those church meetings are “real quiet”.
Comment by sandra | August 22, 2005
Wow. Great article. A lot of people seem bitter when discussing what the church isn’t doing. Thanks for presenting your opinion free of darts.
Comment by Michele | August 22, 2005
If I may also add, if most Black men were asked “how would you like to serve and honor God, without all of the theatrics and cliques?”, many would respond “Where do I sign up?”. I have been members of all Black churches, and majority white churches (although greatly intergrated with African and Hispanic members). And the dynamic is the same for all of the men. Once given the challenge to take ownership of their service within the Body, the response is enthusiastic. So the question may be, do some pastors want yes men to act as syncopants, or Godly men of iron?
Comment by Chris Gill | August 23, 2005
The standard for men in the Church for too long has been too low. We are not teaching men to be men because we don’t want to offend them by calling them to be Godly men. We don’t seem to expect men to do any better than they are doing. A lot of times this is the pastors fault because he may be an insecure man or he likes the adoration of his women so much that he is not willing to give up the illusion that he is the great man that they think he is.
Just like we don’t want the pastor to think he is all that we cant make him all that by putting the growth of the flock on his shoulders alone. Pastors should have a core group of men around them that will hold him accountable and are looking after the congregation as well not just looking after him (Body guards). I have not found the “swiss army knife” pastor who can do it all. If he is weak in the area of counseling someone must come along side of him and help.
Once other men see that the Church is not a one man show but a body of believers working together for the kingdom, then and only then will they come back. The work of the Church must be tangible to men, they have to see more than what goes on on Sunday morining they need to see the Church at work.
Comment by Keith | August 23, 2005
Pastors should have a core group of men around them that will hold him accountable and are looking after the congregation as well not just looking after him (Body guards).
I agree with you 100% in theory. The “in theory” part comes from the fact that I have yet to see with my own eyes a group of men that are bold and free enough to challenge the pastor when he is wrong without being kicked to the curb. I have seen Many (with a capital M) well-intentioned groups start out with this goal in mind, but they almost always turn into the pastors mini “dog pound”.
I think the main contributing factor to this are two fold:
A lot of Money
The size of the crowd
Both feed into any man’s ego
The pastors of the early church did not have to really deal with either because the churches were very small and based out of the home. Money was easily distributed without the red tape and the size of crowd was distributed via the cell based model. What the mega church model has done is to lump these two things together creating the negative trend that we are discussing today.
Comment by Duane | August 24, 2005
I guess I am in the minority because in the small church (
Comment by Keith | August 25, 2005