“Why are you so surprised?”
This is what I said recently after watching a young woman’s response after she finds out that her “man” has been cheating on her. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m talking about the show Cheaters.
If you are not familiar with the show, the name speaks for itself– exposing the double-life of a significant other while creepin’. Why I watch this show you ask? Well I think it is because I have always been intrigued with anything that deals with chemistry between a man and a woman. My wife and I used to love watching TLC’s A Dating Story and try to guess if the relationship would work out in the end. Watching shows like this helped me to understand the things that are important to not just women in general, but my wife. Cheaters, on the other hand exposes what happens when a relationship goes bad.
What really trips me out about this show is that for starters, most of the featured couples are not married. No big deal, right? But then when the “innocent” partner finds out that ‘ol boy or ‘ol girl was cheatin’, all the surprise and drama begins to flow like kool-aide at a toddler’s birthday party. “How could you do this to me?”, “You said you love-ded me.”, “I’ve been with you all this time and this is how you treated me?” are just some of the expressions (minus the cuss words of course) that can be heard once the truth comes out.
One of the things about marriage is that unlike having the “roommate” set up, there is a binding, sho’ nuff commitment that is not only made between the two individuals, but it is agreed upon in the presence of family, friends, and of course, (gulp!) God.
When I am in the presence of a beautiful woman (for someone living in Southern California, this is the norm), the ring that is on my finger immediately serves as a reminder to me that I have already made a commitment to one woman and one woman only. Even more important is the “ring” that I have around my heart. True commitment goes beyond a ring around one’s finger. It’s something that you must choose to believe in everyday. So as you can see, the ring serves as just a reminder of the commitment you made—for life. In other words, your love has already been spoken for.
This is not true with the roommate setup. If nothing else, the only thing that exist between the two individuals is “assumed” commitment–the wrong ingredient for a lasting relationship.
There is an old saying that fits well with this issue…
“What you used to attract your love interest oftentimes is what you must use to keep them”.
If your relationship is primarily based on just “convenient sex”, then know that the relationship will not last long (married or unmarried). Unfortunately for men (especially) these days, the thought of staying with one woman for life seems bizarre (this is growing belief among women as well). The reason has a lot to do with two factors: #1. Many men today have never been taught BY EXAMPLE how to truly appreciate a monogamous relationship. #2. We live in a society where we are surrounded with the message that tells us to “eat and drink our fill” without restraint. In other words, sex with one person for life is boring.
So what have we done as a society regarding this issue? We made the counterfeit the acceptable standard while somehow thinking in the back of our minds that true commitment bounded by personal integrity (something that is required in marriage) exists in the relationship not sanctioned in marriage. This is why people tend to trip in these types of relationships when they find out that their “significant other” has decided to check out the grass in other fields. What “real” commitment is holding them back? That is like me going downtown an buying a knock-off Fendi handbag for my wife only to be shocked that one of the handles came off just after 2 weeks. A $10 investment will in no doubt give me a $10 result.
Now am I making the blanket statement here that all live-in relationship never work and that cheating is inevitable? Of course not. Neither am I saying that marriage is the cure-all. What I am saying is that thanks to the modern lifestyle of today, the definition of commitment has been watered down to assumptive clauses within the relationship that changes with every fine thang that passes our way. Marriage on the other hand sets clear boundaries for both individuals. It is these absolutes that scare most people from even considering marriage as an option.
So when I look at Cheaters, I don’t see it as entertainment. Instead, I see it as just another cultural road sign that is telling us that somewhere along the line we made a wrong turn when it comes to what we define as true love and commitment.
