On black mothers and how they raise their sons
This comment was recently submitted by reader Donna Rogers on a past posting entitled “10 Harmful Things Single Mothers Do To Ruin Their Sons Lives (Part 1)” written by Gillis Triplett …
I think the mis-raising of black boys is a little deeper than revenge for the sins of the daddy. Not too long ago black mothers used this way of raising their sons to SAVE THEIR LIVES. It was dangerous for black boys to think too highly of themselves. Black mothers humbled their sons, demeaned them, and taught them how to tolerate abuse as a way to preserve their lives. High self-esteem was a liability. The time for that has passed, but some of us insist on holding on to the OLD way of doing things.
The reality is, for a variety of reasons, black women have had no choice but to raise their sons alone. Black men in the past were working away from the home at whatever job he could find, or he’d run away because he could not provide, or he was chased away by the welfare system. Times have changed and I wish to acknowledge the fact that a lot of black men are stepping to the plate and raising or participating in raising their children Things are NOT as grim as media propaganda would have us believe.
My ex is the primary custodian of my 16 year old son because we both accept that I can not teach my son how to be a man. I can love him and teach him to be a good person, but I can’t teach him to be a man. I choose not to beat up my sisters for wanting to raise their sons. Some have no choice, but others are making a decision based on emotion rather than logic. I wish some of my sisters would look at the big picture for the good of their sons. But as a people, we are where we are.
It takes two to make a baby and it takes two to raise, not just boys but girls too. A lot of my sisters accept less than they should from a man because they themselves had no father. They have no idea how a man is supposed to treat a woman. To get right down to it, there are very, very few of us in the black community who have seen happy, healthy relationships. I pray one day we can overcome this, but I don’t blame my sisters or my brothers for our family’s condition. Our people wore the chains of slavery and Jim Crow a long time. Change is going to come, but not if we devour each other like THEY encourage us to do.
I beg to differ. Single female households can produce strong willed young men as long as the mother provides a good work ethic, drug free , God based, trusting, respectful and positive attitude for a no limit education-goal achievinng environment for them. I’m 3 for 3 college in college and doing well. Dad stepped out 11 years ago.
Comment by Brenda Skates | December 22, 2005
Some single mothers can produce excellent young men - but most can’t. If people could only wait until they have established a stable (economically, emotionally and spiritually) marriage before having children it would save everyone a lot of trouble. As it now stands, I am sorry to say that well-bred, well-educated, well-funded African American men with good morals are an endangered species.
Comment by exe | December 22, 2005