Keeping Islam on the DL
Yesterday on this site, I was part of conversation regarding my post entitled: “Islam is a religion of peace…in the west.” (click on this link read the post and comments). Because religion can encompass so much, I decided to hover around the issue of domestic abuse within the Muslim community and why is it not being addressed publicly. As you will see in our conversation, every time this issue was brought up, it was met with comparisons to “crimes” committed by Christians over 100 years ago ( a common reaction that I have received from all Muslims I have talked with over the years. Is Islam able to stand on its own feet without leaning on the “faults” of other religions?). While the Christian church has a history of sanctioned slavery and racism, these beliefs have long been denounced and abandoned. While the Christian church may not be perfect, as Christians we are free to voice our opinions about Church culture–even if the majority does not agree.
Folks like Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, and others are good examples of the openness of Christian Church. While the local ministries these folks represented sought to squelch the truth that was going on behind closed doors, much of the Church as a whole were eager to bring the truth out in the open. Christian media did not shift gears to report on the crimes of other religions. Instead, they helped bring the story of corruption to the national front page. This is something that I do not see in Muslim culture (maybe it does exists…I dunno). For example, how well is the issue of domestic violence within the Muslim community being addressed?
9/11’s Hidden Toll: Increase in Domestic Violence
Muslim-American women are quietly coping with a tragic side effect of the attacksâ€â€a surge in domestic violence
Sarah Childress
His temper flared even before the wedding. But Lila’s husband was usually sweet and attentive, a devout African-American Muslim who even traveled to her native country in the Middle East to meetâ€â€and charmâ€â€her family. To make up for his rare outbursts, he brought home roses and kissed her feet. But after 9/11, his temper turned violent.
The article continues below
Neighbors worried when they heard him screaming at her for leaving laundry in the washing machine. “It changed him from an angel to a monster,” says Lila, who spoke to NEWSWEEK on the condition that her real name not be used. Suddenly, when she tried to comfort him, he would kick her to the floor. Once, she says, he threatened to hit her so hard that she “would not land until next Sunday.”
Sadly, Lila is not alone. Since 9/11, domestic violence has been on the rise in the American Muslim community, according to social-service agencies nationwide. The weak economy, an insulated culture and intense scrutiny from law enforcement and locals alike have created a powder keg that’s all the more frightening because there are so few resources to deal with the problem; only three shelters in the United States cater specifically to Muslim culture. And, with the authorities threatening arrest and deportation for suspicious foreign nationals, Muslim women are even more hesitant to report abuse than usual, according to Nora Alarifi Pharaon, a psychologist at the Brooklyn, N.Y.-based Arab-American Family Support Center.
Even before 9/11, Pharaon says, most abuse in Muslim communities went un-reported. This is a patriarchal culture, she says, that puts a premium on the family unit; the notion of counseling for marital problems is a rarity throughout much of the Muslim world. Lila’s husband controlled her money, her apartmentâ€â€even her mailbox key. Lila says that would have been fine had her husband “respected” her. “This is how I was raised,” Lila says. “I was the wife, and I knew what my duties were.” Even after he turned abusive, she tried to win his approval. She took a job when he was demoted from his position at a major airline, scrubbed the apartment tirelessly and planned romantic dinners. But the violence didn’t stop. Still, her family back home encouraged her to try harder. (more…)
Any press conferences on this issue?
While the article goes out of its way to blame other factors as to why domestic abuse is on the rise in this community, I’m sorry, there is NO EXCUSE for beating your wife.
Other related articles under this topic:
Domestic Violence in the South Asian Muslim Immigrant Population in the United States
Darfur
This is another one of those issues that is met with references to the Crusades everytime it is brought up (If you click here, you will find commentary and articles on this site related to the ongoing conflict in Sudan). Again, why justify a wrong with a wrong? As I mentioned yesterday in my conversation, Muslims are quick to take to the street and riot in anger as soon as someone says something negative about their religion. But I have yet to see one soldier from a Muslim-based country (mind you, the governments of most of these countries are financially capable of dispatching troops thanks to their top position in the oil industry) lift a finger to defend the thousands of Black Africans who have (and still are) being slaughtered by those who claim to be Muslim. Nor do I see a demand for ANY type of aggressive action to stop this genocide.
BEFORE I CONTINUE…
As I have mentioned on this site seemingly millions of times, while most Muslims here in the west are very peaceful, I have yet to see them take a serious stance against Muslims in other nations that “misrepresent” their religion without making comparisons to 100 year old faults (again, faults that have long been rectified) in other systems. Trust me, I have the sense enough to know that all Muslims are not terrorists or support them. I guess I want to know “why the silence?”
One last thing. Those that spout the comment “Well the Christian Church doesn’t have a clean past either, so why judge?” show their ignorance on this issue on many levels. I’ll say it once more, while it is true that Christian history is not exactly clean, the Church has long abandoned these ideologies. What also makes this argument very weak is that it makes no sense when applied elsewhere. For example, who am I to discipline my children for lying if I lied as a child? Who are we as a nation to put people in prison for breaking the law when the average driver goes over the speed limit every day? In fact, why have laws if the people who wrote them did not have “clean hands”? If we are to use this line of thinking, then those who regularly criticize and judge the Christian Church need to also be quiet–for ALL of us are not perfect, right? Same goes for folks who criticize the government for not doing enough for the poor while they themselves regularly drive by the homeless without helping them. If you are going to use this rationale, then carry it all the way out.
In this post, I brought up just two hot-button issues that I prefer to have my Muslim readers comment on without making comparisons or references to other religions or governments. If Islam is worth its salt, it can and will stand on its own. When I ask pointed questions to other Christians or folks in other religions about their faith, I don’t expect them to take the “See, they did it too” attitude. So I will not make any acceptions in this case either. If you are non-Muslim, you may comment as well, but my response to you may not be as quick.
A perfect example of what you are talking about is the current issue with the Pope having to go through all kinds of repentance for stating a true fact about what he has observed about Islam. Again it is emphasized that ALL people that are Muslim are NOT the same. But we can truthfully say that lots of them publicly let it be known they believe in using violence as an answer to most issues in their community and beyond. Now don’t go off about America using violence (as in war) as an answer to issues too. I’m talking about people who believe that they will be rewarded in the next life for doing violent acts. Now I think we have a right to comment on that, especially when it involves something like 9/11. But it seems that we have to always walk on eggshells when we comment on what we observe about the Muslims and YET they feel they have a right to openly display how they feel about us (examples : burning a “likeness” of the Pope and burning an Israeli Flag). Now I don’t know about you but add an angry mob to that scenario and it does not give you warm fuzzies. I have not heard an apology from them for doing those things. There have been many reports of wife abuse, child kidnapping, etc. from women that were married to Muslims. And the sad thing about it is that a lot of it “they say” is done in the name of Allah. I don’t know what kind of God they serve! but we won’t go there…I might find myself having to make an apology.
Comment by VB | September 26, 2006
What is the point of even engaging you in a discussion here? All of the right leaning blogs are doing a full court press against Islam right now, so why should you be any different. You all seem to want to morph the war on “terror” into a war of religions. East vs. West, Islam vs. Christianity. There’s no point to this discussion. Go fight your “my god is bigger than your god” battle. My religion is better than your religion. If there is a god, he/she/it is probably breathing the same exasperated sigh I’m breathing right now, wondering why people are spending so much time pointing out how bad and evil his neighbor is, while there are crimes just as heinous going on inside his own home. Enjoy.
Comment by DMG | September 26, 2006
Okay, I will attempt to answer you questions without pointing the finger. Western Muslims are dealing with the problem of domestic abuse. In 2000, Uzma Mazhar issued A Guide for Imams Dealing with Abusive Men. (not sure how to put in the link but can email you info in detail) He brought up several points:
Ask yourself… why did the Prophet migrate from Mecca to Medina? What else but to escape persecution and abuse. What does that tell you? Women escaping from abusive environments are absolutely within the boundaries of what Islam teaches. Staying in abusive environments is UNISLAMIC.
But I feel that your thinking is flawed in the area of domestic abuse among Muslims. 1/5 to 1/3 of all American women (12 million) have been assaulted physically in their lifetime by a current or former partner.
Are enough people shouting from the rafters about domestic abuse in the Muslim cultural? No, not at all. It is unfortunate that far to many men in the Muslim cultural feel as thought they can rule their wives with an iron fist. This is goes against the teachings of the Islam. We are taught to treat everyone with love, kindness, and compassion be it a family member, slave or a captive prisoner.
Why did the Prophet not abuse his wives… or anyone else?
Simple… Abuse in any form is NOT allowed in Islam
Comment by Saudia | September 26, 2006
To DMG,
You questioned why should we even discussed this issue? my question to you is why not? A discussion is when people talk about things and hopefully when things are discussed it can be with mature people that respect the fact that all of us have opinions. DISCUSS that’s what we are doing not argueing and getting angry and with an “I’ll take my toys home” attitude.
Now! Calm yourself down and think of something constructive to say, if not… take your toys and go home! See ya!
Comment by VB | September 26, 2006
You make many flaws in your analysis and I must point some of them out to you. First of all, you do a very good job of accepting what the media has told you about the crisis in Darfur. The media paints the conflict as one between Arab Janjawid and Blacks. I guess you accept that at face value without realizing that the Janjawid are themselves black. Let me illustrate my point.
One of these people are Janjawid and the other isn’t…now looking simply at their skin colors, can you guess which is which???? and if you have to guess, than that pretty much proves my point.
Another point is that the conflict in Darfur is between Muslims and other Muslims and some of the rebels who are fighting the Janjawid are Islamists(yes, political islamists)
I like how you side step the whole slavery issue. Oh yeah, their was this small little thing and it was 400 years of oppression under slavery and African Americans were dehumanized and it was rationalized by using the Bible BUT that has changed. Come on, is racism not a big part of this society??? do the legacies of slavery not exist????? I guess looking at the links on your page, it shows that you aren’t facing the continued racism that exists in Oakland or San Francisco or any other large city in the U.S…
LOOK OUTSIDE THE SELF CONSTRUCTED BUBBLE!
Comment by WeeZie | September 26, 2006
you took off the website I put up, that aint right
Comment by WeeZie | September 26, 2006
Saudia,
Thank you very much for your response. While Domestic abuse is something that happens in other cultures, I have yet to hear something like this spiking under a particular religion.
WieZie,
Oh, so I see. Out of all the personal accounts, eye witnesses and numerous analysis that conclude that this whole situation is ethnic cleansing, you come up with the notion that this is nothing more than a battle between Muslims. After checking out your website, I now see WHO is living inside the self-constructed bubble (the links tell it all!). As for slavery, the issue has never been side-stepped on this website.
Comment by Duane | September 26, 2006
WeeZie,
Yawn! Do you know how many Liberals like yourself come to this website and claim that I “mess around” with their comments? It’s getting old.
Anytime (regardless the commenter) a link is included in a comment on this site, the site automatically is placed in a queue. I set this parameter because of the vast amount of spam I get that includes links. As for the particular comment you referred to, I was able to locate it. You are now using postings on this site to push your own site while going off the topic of the original post which is not allowed . If you want to act like a spammer, I can easily treat you like one.
BTW: You comment was deleted.
Comment by Duane | September 26, 2006
Dude, you took off the my comment.
http://www.juancole.com/2005/03/googlesmear-as-political-tactic-google.html
If you are a man, you would keep it.
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO, that isnt my web site, that is the site of an esteemed professor of History at the Univeristy if Michigan. You know you are lying. This is crazy. Im not acting like a spammer, i specifically said “Oh my bad, the website didnt allow the URL of the pics under HTML” so here is the site. i only posted it once time. At least of the decency to now lie about the nature of my postings.
Comment by WeeZie | September 26, 2006
Hi VB, wow, I guess you really told me. The point is there is no real discussion, just comments like yours that are snide and lead nowhere constructive. And having been involved in many of these discussions here almost pleading for civility, and a higher level of debate, I can tell you that facts are often sacrificed for opinion. And I’m sure someone like yourself knows what is said about opinions. What’s being done on a number of right leaning blogs (and feel free to check it out for yourself) is a hatchet job on Islam. Now like I’ve said, from our western perspective and our value system (and the help of popular media) we view Muslims as backward terrorists who all “hate our freedoms”, beat the hell out of their wives, and have a death wish. But these are attributes we may find in almost any culture, or religious persuasion. So attempting to say wife beating for example or terrorism is something characteristic of a particular religion is just folly. These discussions usually end without anyone really being enlightened. But thank you VB for setting me straight.
Comment by DMG | September 26, 2006
WeeZie,
You know the more you comment, the more you underscore my original point, and that is the indescriminate rape and murder of innocent people by the hand of those who claim to represent Islam.
Comment by Duane | September 26, 2006
To DMG,
Thanks for the “compliment” (smile) and I’m glad to see that you DID come back to be a part of the discussion after all. So glad you did. You really need to work on the anger though.
Comment by VB | September 27, 2006
The unfortunate thing about this medium is that ones emotions don’t come through accurately. I, in no way was angry, but I think you already knew that. If you want to goad me into a personal argument with you, you’ll have to try harder. If you are truly welcoming me back to the discussion, maybe it would help to at least make an attempt at refuting my statements. I will make every attempt to let you know when I become angry. Pointing the finger at someone from another culture is easy. Pointing the finger in the mirror is difficult. The discussion here seems to be centered around unacceptable human behavior (spousal abuse etc.). I argue that ascribing such behavior to Muslims is akin to what whites did, and still do to black people in this country.
Comment by DMG | September 27, 2006
But the wierd thing is that according to Duane, what whites have historically done to blacks and continue to do is all a myth. In this sphere, racism is all just a fantasy and doesnt really exist. Furthermore, according to Duane, poverty is actually going down in the United States, although every economic indicator says other wise.
Comment by WeeZie | September 28, 2006